Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
