well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
