I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
