in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize