apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
