Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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