So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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