What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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