She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just pee around me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
