Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
