Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
