Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Drunk walkin through police station. America
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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