Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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