respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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