I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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