She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
