Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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