i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I deserve this hangover.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
