On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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