Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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