i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
