My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
