well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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