he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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