I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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