does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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