who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
