Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
