I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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