I wish I only lived at night.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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