Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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