I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
