I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
