"it" just moved
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
