I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
