You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
