Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
where are you?
Hypothermia
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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