I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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