the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
