I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize