I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
