No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She told me I should be a condom model.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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