Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
