So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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