This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
