I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
