my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
