Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
