So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
