he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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