Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
