so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
