I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize