So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The struggles of a small town man whore
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
