i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize