Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize