I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
