This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize