This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
