I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
