My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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