My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
