sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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