five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
