Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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