if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
