last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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