How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
