i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
