So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
