I like my sex mixed with concussions.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
a search helicopter?!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize