hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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