i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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