During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
