she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
