All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
