2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
