You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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