Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize