Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
