you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
