I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
