and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
