Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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