i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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