she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
