I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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