Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
