Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
