this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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