Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
