the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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