proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
