She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
