Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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