i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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