I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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