Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
