you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
