so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
