my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
