I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize