So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
