If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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