Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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